Nothing Expected

In downward facing dog pose, we are vulnerable, our imperfections utterly exposed for the whole class to see, or so we believe, but what we often forget is that if we are focused, breathing in positively, that nothing else will enter that space we make for ourselves.   I know this from experience and yet, this last year I allowed myself to hurt, run the gauntlet, have hatred for self and others; last year I wallowed.  It was, unsurprisingly, a waste of time. Life had handed us a very complicated Gordian knot of experiences, feelings, and expectations and then asked us to solve it tut suit.  So I basically told life to go hang! Not my finest moment, to be sure, but we all have times we can't rally our strength.  Sometimes life has been hard for so long that our reserves of strength are shot to hell.

What is worse?  I knew what I needed to do to solve the problem ... breathe in, and hand it to God. But I stubbornly decided to be a control freak, trust in the arm of flesh, be angry that life wasn't kinder.  I hyperventilated in my stress and exhausted myself trying to figure out why God wasn't faster at delivering my honorable desires.  As you can imagine, that tactic didn't work out so well.

A professor once told me that simplicity breeds joy.  I understand that better now than I did then.  The idea of a tabula rasa fascinated me in college, and my favorite stationary store, with its rows of clean paper, perfect pens, and tight edged envelopes was aptly named for the idea of a blank slate and clean start.  Life, on the other hand, is messy and real, and frankly the hardest thing we ever do, but we can't erase all the pain, mistakes, and cliff falls, nor should we desire to do so.  We can, however, awake each morning, breathe, believe God has an awareness and purpose to whatever this day brings, and then allow ourselves to be vulnerable and awake to His will, and the adventures ahead.  So that is what I am working on ... being in the now, enjoying the feel of the sun, believing there is goodness, and finding joy in the very real mess that is this world.

Instead of wallowing, I am making the conscious decision to find joy, in breath, in kisses, in smiles, through laughter, in tears, through sorrow, because there is an opposition that dictates life, and it is beautiful, full of light and dark, and perfection.   Namaste is a word that means I greet the divine in you.  That is what I have promised myself I will do for my own good this year.  I will greet the divine in myself and others as often as life allows.